Monday, January 12, 2009
How can I FORGIVE????
I find those who still have deep wounds cannot forgive. They do not have the strength to do so. But all things are possible with God who gives us His strength and heals us by His wounds.
I was sexually abused once by an older boy and for the life of me, I could not come to forgive him... no matter how hard I tried. Everytime the memory came back, it would just bring up anger and rage. Our Lord, through prayer, began teaching me to come to Him with the deepest wounds that I carry.
I would go in prayer, close my eyes, and go back to that memory, but look at it as if I were an outsider watching it happen. Then I would run from that scene and go and kneel at the foot of the Cross on which Jesus is hanging on. His Blood was still dripping down from His wounds. He asked me to place my hands on the wounds of His Sacred Feet where the nail was and the Blood coming down. Immediately, after placing my hands on His wounds I started to feel all the darkness I was holding on to from that memory, literally leaving me and going into the Wounds of Jesus. I would stay there in prayer until I no longer fealt the anger and rage, until all the darkness was gone and all that was left was an open wound.
Then I would see Jesus struggling to take His Hand off of the nail on the Cross and eventually His Hand was free... and I could see through the hole in His Hand and the Blood flowing from the fresh wound. He placed His Wounded Hand upon my head and I began to literally feel His Blood flowing within me to heal my wound. I then asked Him to replace the empty darkness with His Light.
After this, I would then spiritually picture the boy who hurt me, who I couldn't forgive, and he would come kneel next to me. I still couldn't turn to look at him or even forgive him. But I turned and looked into the eyes of Jesus and said this: "Jesus, I do not know how to forgive this person who hurt me. I do not know how to forgive him... but you do. I want YOU to be my forgiveness. So I would then take the Wounded Hand of Jesus (still on my head), and I would lift it off of my head with my hands and then place His Wounded Hand on the person I needed to forgive. I would then pray for them and give them to Jesus. After this, I no longer held any hatred and I truly loved this person as Jesus does. I prayed for his brokenness and his own woundedness (which was a souce of him hurting me) and gave him to Jesus.
I no longer have any nightmares, I no longer have any bad feelings towards this person. I truly love them in Christ and have completely forgiven them. I even have peace and the memory no longer comes back. I would do this for each and every person who I needed to forgive. I would then do whatever I could to make ammends with them. I also began making amends with all the people I have hurt or harmed in my own life.
Our Lord wants you to know that this wasn't just a gift for me... Our Lord waits for YOU... He waits for you to come to the foot of the Cross to Heal you by His Wounds. You can go there anytime you want in prayer... He waits for you.